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1st Child at 33.
I am 38 years old, married with two children and I am a PND survivor.
My husband, Karl, and I own a successful computer business, I work two or three days a week, and I am mummy to Elise (5½ years old) and Samuel (18 months). I feel very lucky to have such a privileged and successful life, however life has not always been this happy for me.
I have spent the last five and half years, on and off antidepressants, on and off talking with counsellors and going on and off the rails.
My life since having children has certainly been a roller coaster ride, some very high highs, some very low lows and plenty of bumps in between!
However, in hindsight, my journey through PND has made me the person I am today – which is a more empathetic person, a better wife, a loving mummy and more understanding friend.
I feel depression will always be with me, but it is how I manage and understand it that makes me a happy and healthy woman. To look back over the past five or so years is very difficult and confronting, however it does show me how far I have come and how much this experience of PND has helped me to grow.
Depression had not been a part of my life prior to the birth of my first child at 33 years of age, a beautiful little girl Elise (although she was not so little, weighing in at 9lbs 1oz!). PND did not creep up on me slowly but hit me like a speeding freight train. I felt terrified of coming home from hospital after a difficult birth and was not sure if I could cope at home on my own.
I cried all the way home from hospital and every night when my husband arrived home from work he would find me upset and withdrawn. He wasn’t sure who to attend to first – the crying baby or the crying mummy. He knew something was not right. I also knew something was wrong. I felt so overwhelmed, vulnerable and anxious and I didn’t really understand how out of control I had become.
”I feel depression will always be with me, but it is how I manage and understand it that makes me a happy and healthy woman.” When Elise was nine weeks old, my husband had arranged a day stay at Ngala (Ngala is an Early Parenting Centre, based in Perth, supporting and guiding families and young children through the journey of early parenting.) we both spoke with a counsellor and had our first discussion about Post Natal Depression.
From that point on, my plan began. With the help of my very supportive husband we both embarked on the difficult journey to my wellness.
With the help and support of my GP, my child health nurse, counsellors, PND support group and Red Cross assistance I started to make some great progress.
Having the support of family members and friends when you have a baby is so important. However, just prior to having Elise we had moved from the UK to Australia, so my support network was virtually nonexistent. We struggled through together and slowly but surely little parts of the “old me” started to return.
I now fully understand the importance of having loving family and friends to support you. From having someone to talk to when you’re feeling low, someone to cook a meal or hang out a load of washing or look after the baby to give you a chance to have a rest. I am very pleased and proud to say three years after my initial diagnosis of PND, I felt mentally and physically ready to consider the possibility of having another baby. Just before my 37th birthday our gorgeous baby boy – Samuel arrived.
Although I wondered if PND would rear its ugly head this time, I was more prepared and aware of my stress levels. I knew what I needed to do to feel good. Of course, we still had all the sleepless nights and Sam was diagnosis with silent reflux which was very difficult, but we were all doing ok.
The second time around I realised I needed to ask for help. Family arrived from the UK to help out with the first seven weeks of Sam’s life. I was also lucky to have met a fantastic group of friends; they all understood my concerns about the return of PND and were only too happy to lend a hand or just be there to talk.
Elise is about to start full time school and Sam will be two years old in a few months. We are all doing great! I feel so fortunate that I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, supportive family and friends and most importantly I feel happy, confident and very positive about the future.
PND is an illness which can be successfully treated. Please remember it is so important for you to seek help…the sooner the better.
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