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20 when first child born.
My story with PND began in 1971. My pregnancy was normal, slight morning sickness, normal delivery and a 9lb baby boy.
After I left hospital I became nervous, tearful and frightened when on my own. He was a fretful baby with colic and cried a lot. I was only 20 and didn’t tell anyone how I felt. I didn’t want to
have visitors, as I was afraid they would wake him up.
I felt I was in a horrible bad dream. Gradually by the time the baby was about 12 months old I was feeling better, but it was not a good 12 months.
With my second pregnancy in 1975 everything was fine, then after leaving hospital it began again; the same symptoms. My husband was working from early in the morning till 7 or 8 at night and so I spent my days at my mother’s trying to hide my problem.
As my GP only prescribed valium, I spent my time in a drowsy miserable haze waiting for my husband to come home, hoping not to shake my baby when she cried.
“I became nervous, tearful and frightened when on my own.”
Once again I improved slowly. I did a lot of walking when I could.
In 1979 I became pregnant again. My doctor decided to put me on medication straight after the baby was born, thus catching the PND early (he hoped).
My problems weren’t as bad this time.
My husband was home with us, as we had just sold a small business. I still had symptoms, but was not alone and was able, with his help,
to get well quicker.
I loved my babies very much, but felt I missed out on a lot of good times with them when they were tiny.
Fortunately, my daughter has had no problems with PND after my 2 grandchildren were born.
No type of counselling was offered back 35 years ago, I often feel guilty and a bit of a failure when the babies were small, but I think I have made up for those horrible times with lots of love since then.
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